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Finding Purpose in Legacy



Throughout the last few months I’ve struggled with feeling a sense of purpose. While time moves forward, most of the acting industry is at a standstill and I can’t do what I’ve spent most of my life preparing to do as a fulfilling career. Coupled with the lack of agency is a feeling of uncertainty about the timing of the industry’s full return. Many nights I’ve sat on Indeed.com and stared at a slew of job posts wondering if it’s time to make a transition into business or corporate administration. There’s a fine line between the romantic notion of waiting for passion to become tangible again and needing to pay rent each month. But without theatre, without acting, I couldn’t help but wonder dreadfully, what is it I’m meant to do?

Even worse than the existential dread has been the sense of guilt that I’m worried about my career while others in this country and across the globe are literally fighting for their lives. Every life lost has been a painful reminder that the time we have on earth is not only fleeting, but entirely out of our control. But the most recent period of grief came from the sudden news on Friday night that Chadwick Boseman had passed away. After a week of news reporting continued violence and shootings, what I felt could be described as nothing less than devastation. As I lay in my bed with tears welling up in my eyes, I could think of nothing else to do but pray.

Although I have never had a personal interaction with this incredible actor, the impact he’s had on myself has been immense. Words can’t describe the joy and excitement I felt sitting through Black Panther on a big screen. Seeing a world in which Black bodies were uplifted as intelligent, strong, and complicated take root in mainstream audiences was beyond validating. And learning about the way that Chadwick influenced aspects of the film such as the accents for the characters inspired me to believe that as a Black actress I can have agency in the projects I take on. I was looking for a glimmer peace and understanding and these were the memories and thoughts that came to me. 


            “I cry out to God Most High, to God who will fulfill his purpose for me.” - Psalms 57:2 


Chadwick passed away at only 43 and my first thought was how unfair it was that he was now another person gone too soon. But upon reflection I realized that he had left behind a beautiful and important legacy. He inspired and empowered a multitude of people and in doing so, undoubtedly fulfilled his purpose with the time he had. Now this realization does not make his passing any less sorrowful, but it does make the life he lived all the more a cause for joy.


            “Teach us to realize the brevity of life, so that we may grow in wisdom.” - Psalm 90:12


When my time on this earth comes to an end, I hope I will be able to go knowing I’ve fulfilled my purpose. While I am still an aspiring actor, it would be a mistake to believe that my purpose can be found in the career path that I choose. Instead, like Chadwick, I want to find purpose in serving and encouraging others, and in leaving a positive legacy in my wake. I want to look back and say that I made each day count, that I moved through life with intention and conviction. I find joy in knowing I will never be too insignificant to make a mark on the lives of those around me. Every day is a new opportunity to build a legacy, I just have to remember my purpose. 
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