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How To Be Happy (Without Embracing Toxic Positivity)

All my life people have asked me how I stay so positive and cheerful. When I was younger I couldn't really give a solid answer. But as I’ve grown, I’ve had to become more intentional about maintaining those traits in life. After all, the older we get, the easier it is to become bogged down with cynicism about the world around us. I know that it’s impossible to be happy all the time, but I also know there are some things I can rely on to nudge myself more in the direction of happiness than despair. So without further to do, here are 5 ways to be happy - without embracing toxic positivity of course.

Try to Unplug

    These days it’s especially hard to disconnect. With gatherings still being largely limited and a lot of people still working from home, it’s easy to glance at the clock and realize you’ve spent the last 12 hours in front of a screen. But research has shown that spending too much time with your devices can cause neck strain, headaches, blurred vision, and disrupted sleep! With this in mind, it’s a good idea to be mindful of your screen time, setting limits and scheduling breaks throughout the day. I recently got back into reading physical books before bed and I’ve absolutely noticed the difference in the mornings. I wake up more well-rested, more alert, and more excited to start a new day!


Take Advantage of Hobbies

    Speaking of hobby’s, reading is just one of a few that I have. I also love working out, playing my guitar, and doing word searches (because I’m actually a grandma). These past few months have been great for cultivating all kinds of hobbies from embroidery to baking sourdough bread. When you start to feel down sometimes you just need a distraction, and healthy hobbies are a great way to cope. I’ve personally become a master at shaking off the existential crisis of having a degree in a field that’s indefinitely on hold by turning up a homemade Spotify playlist and singing at the top of my lungs.


Embrace the Unknown

    Of course there are times when ignoring the uncertainty of my career isn’t enough. On those days I just have to give into the unpredictability. Things seem more confusing now than usual, but the truth is that our futures are always unknown. Even without the mitigating factor of a global pandemic, I still have no real idea of what outcome my choices will yield. This can be terrifying, but it can also be freeing. It can be exciting to have so many possibilities lying ahead. So instead of making myself more anxious about what the future will hold, we have to commit ourselves to being adaptable enough to take on whatever challenges and experiences come our way.

 

Be Grateful

    Another way to keep the blues at bay is by cultivating a practice of gratitude. About a month ago, I became intentional about starting and ending each day with a bit of gratitude. I wake up and thank God that I’m alive to see another day, and before I fall asleep I thank him again for at least one thing I experienced that day. I cultivate gratitude through prayer but many people keep grateful journals, or just meditate on what they’re grateful for at different points throughout the day. Whatever way you choose to be intentional about gratitude, you’re bound to feel better. Who can stay upset about the puddle that splashed their new shoes when they’re thinking about the person who paid for their coffee two hours before? 


Accept the Unhappy Seasons

    It could be said that happiness is an emotion dependent on external forces. In other words, you can’t choose to be happy, happiness happens to you. Joy however, is a state of being. Unlike happiness, joy can be constant regardless of the kind of day you’ve had or the state of your current relationship. What does this mean? It means that you don’t always have to be happy! Throw away the notion that you have to be smiling and living your best life all the time. And I don’t mean this in the way that you see on Instagram - as in having a bad hair day or getting a pimple. I’m talking about days when you truly feel down. Days when you feel too overwhelmed to socialize, too overwhelmed by a bad breakup, or too overwhelmed by feeling like you’re going nowhere in life. There’s no shame in having those days. Happiness is not something we can wield or control, and pretending that it is will only make you feel worse when you can’t snap your fingers and conjure it up in your own emotional lexicon. Instead of trying to “choose happiness” and feeling bad if you can't, remind yourself that tomorrow is a new day. Sadness and displeasure don’t last forever, and there is joy in knowing that those moments will pass. So instead of fixating on the constant happiness only a cartoon character could achieve, embrace the complexity of being human and the hope of knowing that crying may last for a night, but joy comes in the morning.
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